Category: ranty shiznit


Grief

Grief is this ridiculous thing.

It feels so inappropriate right now.  The past months have been terrible, and stifling, and all the other things that staunch anything creative.

My daughter? Is excellent. Magnificent. She is magical. All that is good, and light. Wild abandon she has in spades.

I am not wired like my husband, if one thing is good, then everything is good.  Or good enough.

I try but fail utterly at that perspective.  Perhaps its my broken mind, I don’t know.

Our life has a lot of not good going on, and I am struggling to put things in boxes.

I have so many lovely things I’ve wanted to share.  Tzigana turning six months.  She will be eight months next week.  Hysterical videos of  her.  Things I want to talk about that mean something.  But this grief.

Is such a cock block.

So how are you all?  What is blocking you? Or have you pushed through?  If so, please share some wisdom and perspective with me.

Us narcissists love our pity parties, but I am about ready to hobble home.

Soo..
It wasn’t teething.
Ziggy has an ulcer under her tongue that was caused by her teeth. The past three days have been a living nightmare you guys. Hearing her scream like she was dying has traumatized me so bad it affected my milk supply. We managed to get her into the best Pediatric dentist here this afternoon. Her teeth are well developed for Natal teeth and don’t need to be removed, but to stop from scraping under her tongue every time she nurses they needed to be filed down.
The procedure itself wasn’t painful but I had to hold her still while it was happening and she screamed so bad that her eyes are blood shot and the hygienist almost cried. Awful does not describe this day.
Z is doing much better though since. She is still fussy and has pretty miserable moments, but they are just moments. A wonderful break from the near constant hysteria of the past 5 days.

Also, yesterday I took Z to the walk-in down from us, to make sure there wasn’t something going on somewhere in her body that I was mistaking for teething, and while the Doctor was completely unhelpful in the mouth issues department. I had him also check out her bellybutton because Taylor noticed it looked a little shadowy on Saturday, and then Monday it was darker. Lo and behold, on top of everything, Z also has an umbilical hernia. >.<
>.< xs infinity.

To break the slitmywrists mood, here are some pictures of Z from today.
P.S. She just fell asleep for the first time in days without having to be witch doctored by me. Huzzah!

White bit is the ulcer. It’s basically a big puffy canker sore

The nursing necklace I’m wearing that Tzigana-Mae is grabbed onto, is an amethyst stone heart, called Mama’s Heart. I just received it yesterday from wildmotherarts.com
I love it.
Amethyst is Tzigana’s birthstone.
It is crazy mad how much I love her.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

A tale of woe

So, last weekend.
Taylor and I babysat for our friends who had a wedding thing to go to. We hang out with them all the time, kids love us, blah blah blah. It was supposed to be easy peasy. Done and Done.  We had even done this before multiple times.

But instead, it was SO NOT. easy anything.

Apparently small children can tell when you are pregnant, and sometimes they decide that they don’t really like you anymore.
You know what that means?  That means that poor Taylor had to do all the toddler/baby wrangling all.night.long.  I felt so bad.  And I mean baby wrangling.  The baby was teething and pulling at his ear all night and crying like the world was ending, it was so so sad 😦  Taylor would pick him up to soothe him and then the toddler would be all like WAAAAH PICK ME UP TOO.  So yeah, lessons learned that evening.
*Naps are hardcore important.
*We are never babysitting for anyone ever again, especially now that I’m pregnant.
*Taylor has more patience in his pinky finger than I do in my entire being.
*One kid is EASY.
*New houses with no air on, are FUCKING HOT.  The sweat.  Oh my God.

So the moral of the story is, never babysit for people with more than one child, especially whilst pregnant.

At the moment I am feeling like I will never do anything but make out with a toilet bowl ever again.

EVER.  AGAIN >.<

this is an excerpt from a conversation with my sister :

me: oh i got hot salsa. yesterday, and had some earlier and it’s not hot
at all
i was really mad
hahaah i get really mad now
but like
its funny
mum was laughing
i was ranting about dr *****.  cuz his wife is doing this.  health thing.
and she’s a huge bitch (edit: she is really a HUGE BITCH people)
and i was like no way is she gonna check my bmi and blood pressure
ugh
i go there for chiropractor. not to get told im fat
plus i don’t want to have to tell them i’m pregnant yet.
dad told all of aunt barb and everyone but didn’t tell me!
so we showed up there on sunday. and they were all congratulations! and i was all…ohhh i didn’t know you knew. aunt barb laughed. and was like yeah well its on Facebook now.
****
See how it all ties in?  I hate Facebook for so many reasons, and myself a little, since I am a major hypocrite and am on there.  But I can tell you, I hate every minute of it!